i called you my best friend

i did not know when i took you hand and held it tight in the dark that you wanted to hold me forever. i did not hear your heart breaking when i told you that i had feelings for your friend. i am sorry, i really did not know. i should have opened my eyes and seen what was seen by you and others. none of my friends told me, when my enemies did, i pushed them away. i did not know that you girl friend had broken up with you. i did not know that your smile were out of need to hold me and tell me how you felt. did you ever really like me that much? why would you? i am not the prettiest, or was it that you just wanted a girlfriend, as so many others told me, as i felt they just wanted to turn me against you. when i told you the words, i did not know that it was the last time you would speak to me, i did not know how much you were hurting. i was disbelief, i was flattered. you left, no good-bye, not even a smile. when you laughed with other girls was it just to make me jealous? congratulations, then, you succeeded. when i hear your friends talk about you, i am envious, because you were that good to me, i just did not see where it was coming from, i just thought you were a sweet guy, and when i told you my secret i expected you to keep it. but you did not. my words reached ears. they were only meant for you. is revenge sweeter now that you know that you have hurt me? are you smiling because you won, and i am the one left with the broken heart, not you? are you happy because i am still thinkning about you even though this happened two months ago? or are you missing me, thinking about me, wondering what might have been? have you ever regretted ignoring me? ever thought about giving me a second chance? they said your feelings were strong. were they? how come you were after her the second i said "no"? i apologize, again. i really should have seen it coming. i would not ask myself these questions if you had not left me alone, to be mocked and gossiped about. you were part of it, too.  you mocked me and pointed your finger at me, through it all. i thought you were my friend, my one true friend. all i can do is apologize and wonder, if you are laughing with you buddies or with your new girlfriend at me, at my words, at the truth, at my stupidity, at my heart, at my loss. i will never know what feelings they were, that took over me when i thought about you. were they of friendship or of something more? i will never know what you were to me. you made me wonder what my mind was really thinking, what my heart wanted to say when i gave you my hand and held yours tight.

can't fall in love with a friend

my love, i don't know if I'm ready to get over you... if I'm ready to move on, all i know is that i love you, and I've loves you for so long. there are other takers for my heart, but getting over you will tear it apart. i wanted you, i wanted you so very bad, when i knew i couldn't have you, it made me really sad. and now the your love goes to her, its causing my emotions to stir, its like i have a disease, and you're the only cure. but i know she loves you, and i won't interfere, i will just sit back and watch my whole world disappear. we're good friends, but i want to be something more. i want you to look at me and love me more than her. some people are addicted to drugs, but I'm addicted to you, i wish you could know how i feel, i wish you only knew. my love, i need you more than air. you with her? its just not fair. my only wish is to be with you, but how can i if she's with you, too? when i told you that i loved you, i thought everything would change, I'm sorry... i forgot that love and hearts cannot rearrange. when i told you that i loved you, i thought you'd drop everything and run to me, maybe even someday you'd get down on one knee and say, "Baby, i love you, will you marry me?" i need to stop dreaming and open my eyes. you and i, we will never be, why is it taking me so long to see? you love her and you don't love me. my love, I'm starting to see, that we will never be. i don't know if i should give up hope and stop trying, or if i should never stop and keep crying. my mind and heart ache when i see you together, i don't know what to do when you say that you'll be with her forever. i want to hat you so i can move on, but i hate been at this crazy game for way too long. i guess this is how my cards have been dealt, me not with you but someone else.

Yay for trying to do all my blogs at once!

As you can tell i'm trying to catch up with my blogs so that i can get them done and work on everything else..... Rowse just said ravioli and that sounds amazing!... so prom was great for me. It was way better than last year because i was stupidddd... but anyways it was nice and i was super tired by the end of it because of tennis before..... but bye everyone!

hmmm

I think it is finally starting to get nice out! Which makes me super happy because I love spring and summer! I hope that i can make this summer the best summer so far. I told my boss i can only work 3-4 days a week so i don't waste my summer before college on work..... its the last tuesday yay!

So much to do... so little time!

Hmmm the days are counting down and i feel like i have so much more to do! I have to finish my senior solo for dance, finish everything in this class, try to figure out my math, finish school "strong" as my mom says and its so stressful! Then i have GNAC in North Platte this weekend, graduation next weekend which i have to help my mom set up for this next week, then i have state the weekend after that!... All i know is i can't wait will May is over!

prommm!

I am really excited for prom this year! Last year sucked so i'm really looking forward to this one. I tried my dress on yesterday after alterations and i loveddddddd it :). Cody and I went to go get his tux today during our open, and I don't know if it looked good or not because he wouldn't let me see it... ergh! anyways i hope everyone has a great time at prom and post prom!

blahhh tennis

Sooo tennis is starting to get very annoying. We have like a million and five tennis meets in one week, it seems like, for some reason i just can't get myself in the attitude to care right now, we can't figure out the line up so no one knows whos playing what, and i keep getting behind in all of my sechool work because of it. We had tennis Monday, Wednesday, Thursday, and then we have it Saturday... before prom.... all day tournament. I don't understand whyyyy they would sign us up for the tournament when its the day of prom. Oh well i guess, hopefully it will all start slowing down soon.

Im behind!... Maybe? idk?

According to Miss J. we are supposed to have 15 blogs as of this week.. so im behind! Yesterday we had tennis in Fremont. It was an alright day, i played way better that i have been so i was happy with that even though i lost my singles. Doubles was going good untilllll we were up 7-4..... which meant we only needed one more game to win.... and we lost 9-7. It sucked! Especially because the girls that we played were acting like they didn't even care and my partner and I were workin our butts off! Oh well i guess its just a game, we'll kick their butts the next time we play them and hopefully do way better this year.

Crazy weekend

This weekend was pretty crazy. I had tennis Friday in Lincoln and got home at like around 11ish because me and my parents stopped to see my new baby cousin.. hes so cute!. Saturday i got to sleep in finally till about 11 but i was still exhausted. Me and my mom got together a picture thingy for graduation Saturday before i had to work 4-10. I went to work and got off at like 9:30 which wasnt to bad. But sunday was terrible. One of Cody's coworks, and close friends, was shot Saturday night sometime and when i woke up Sunday morning he wasn't doing to good but he was still at work. I tried to talk to him but he kind of just shut me out in the morning and i had to go to work at 12 and it felt like the longest day ever but i got off at about 4:30 so actually it was really short. I ended up hanging out with Cody last night and he was doing a lot better and he seemed a lot better today but i still felt bad. I cant even be with him at the funeral because i have tennis all day Thursday :(.... I hope everyone has a great week and seniors you have 13...ish days left.. woo!

hmmm tennis

Next week is gunna be busy and im only gunna have three classes the majority of the week. Monday we have a rescheduled tennis meet at home, Tuesday we go to Lincoln and leave at 1, Wednesday we just have practice, Thursday we go to Hastings, and leave at 12:45, and Friday we go to Lincoln and leave at 1. So its going to be crazy and i will be very tired by the end of all that. And adding to all of that i will probably work 9-6 both Saturday and Sunday..... so eventful week!

my car hates me.

so two days ago i was running behind in the morning and i ran out to my car to start it cause it was kinda cold out. I reached in on the passenger side and when i got out i didnt move my head fast enough and my door hit my chin and i got a cut in my chin. Thennnnnn yesterday i was leaving after tennis practice and had too much in my hands and wwhen i opened my door i didnt have a good grip on it and let go and tried real fast to grab it and jammed my finger..... ouchhh..... stupid car.. bye! have a good weekend everyone, make the snow go away!

:)

Soooo today is a good day. :) The weather has been beautiful this whole week and it looks like it is going to stay, im in a good mood, and everyone else seems happy too. :) Hmmmm yay smiley faces! :):):):):):):):):):):) Two weeks from yesterday is my first tennis meet... kinda nervous! causeeee we dont really know what place anyone is playing yet and we just started going outside. I'm pretty sure i know what ill end up playing this year but you never know it could be a surprise i guess. Uh-oh ms. j is sitting by me! ------------>
bye!

fhalsdgflpa

That is my mood right now. I am having the worst day i've had in a long time and it sucks. First i was running behind this morning when i needed to be at school early, then i get stuck behind 2 city trucks and first im like yayyy! until i realized they go like literally 5 miles an hour and drive down the middle of the 2 lanes so i couldnt pass. Then they just randomly stop so i have to slam on my brakes which makes the guy slam on his and almost slide into me, and i looked into my rearview mirror to see this guy flipping my off.... its not my fault the stupid city car just stopped!!!.... so i flipped him off back which made it a little better :). OH and if you haven't realized its snowing so that just adds to the crappy mood. FInally when i get to school i get out of my car and drop my phone in the snow... luckly nothing is wrong with it, then i find out i have conditioning after school today which i am so tired of because i just want to start actually playing tennis, then i see that we have practice at 8:30-10 on Thursday which sucksss.....afoaishgflsdhagl.... goodbye!

Blahhh

Today is one of those days where i wish i could just go back to bed and not do anything for the rest of the day. I kinda feel like im getting sick but i dont know. I could be though cause Cody has been sick with some virus since thursday and i went to see him Friday. This weekend kinda sucked, although i did get to have some girl time with Nichole and Allie. I ended up not going to Winter Royalty because as i said before Cody was really sick. I was kind of sad because its my last year and every year Winter Royalty has sucked for me so it was something I was looking forward to. Oh well it was just another dance which apparently wasn't that good. Allie and I did go out to eat at Napolis Saturday night then we went to coronation. Sunday my mom and I started putting pics. together in photo albums for graduation which was fun. My meeting for tennis today was cancelled which i dont really mind cause thats one less thing i have to do. Hopefully this week will start getting better! I hope everyone had a good weekend and has a good rest of the week!

Dum dum's and nice weather

Today i am in a fantastic mood. The weather is beautiful and Cody had a huge bag of dum dums sooooo i stole a crap ton. Hense the name of the blog :). I wish the weather would stay like this because i'm really lovin it. I'm even wearing flip-flops! woo :). This whole week me and Cody have been parking in back 6th period then walking up front because its so nice and the back doors aren't unlocked. The sad thing is that apparently this weekend there are supposed to be snow "flurries" and rain this weekend so it's gunna make me all sad :(. Tomorrow ima wear shorts because it's supposed to be even nicer and i can't wait!... If anyone wants a dum dum just ask i have a few left..... but idk if i wanna share :):)

Thank you...

Miss Rowse and or Miss J. for being the only teacher my mother does not know at the parent teacher conferences. My dad said my litterally spent like 20 minutes at all my other teachers because she knows them all. Anywayss.... we don't have school tomorrow! yay!!! I finally get to sleep in for the first time in like over a month and im pretty pumped. Tomorow night i have dance class to practice my senior solo at 6 then I'm going to go to the basketball game, then go home and go to bed since i have to work 9-6 both Saturday and Sunday... ughh. Sunday my boyfriend, Cody, and I are going to celebrate Valentines Day since the actual Valentines Day is on a Monday and we both have practice. It probably won't be anything special cause its not that big of a deal to me, which is weird cause i always thought it would be. Its weird to think that this will be my first Valentines Day with a boyfriend yet me and Cody have been dating for a year and 9 months.... hmmm try to figure that one out! ha. I hope everyone has a great long weekend... bye!

Way to ruin my day.

Sooo today i was actually having a good day for once. Which is weird because its Monday and usually Mondays suck. WEll i woke up this moring and i wasnt tired for once because i went to bed at like 8:30-9:00 because i didnt sleep the night before because i had people staying since we didnt have Winter Roaylty. So anyways i get to school and i have no homework, not really doing anything in class, and i was excited for my 2 hour break even though i had to run some errands. Well third period gets over and i go to my locker get my coat and purse and go out to my car. I go to Lous, where i work, to look at my schedule and my day just starts going down the drain. I'm scheduled to work 12-9 on Saturday which isn't gunna work for me because im in FBLA and we are doing our pink out Saturday at the basketball game and i have to work there 4-5:30 i HAVE to be there otherwise Mrs. Mueller will not be happy. Some people are like okay why can't she just say she can't work. Well its not that easy anymore, at the beginning of the year Mike, my boss, made a new policy that if you're scheduled you either have to work or find someone to work for you and otherwise you're basically screwed. So there are two people who are crossed out in pencil... which means they didnt ask for it off they just got it off... so hopefully they can work for me and if not ill just have to talk to Mike and wish for the best. After i went to check my schedule i had an orthodontist appointment to just check my retainer which should only take about 15-20 minutes. Nope i wait for a half an hour, get in there sit in the chair for another 15 minutes until he finally gets to me. I was excited even though i had to wait so long because it was my last orthodontist appointment and i would only have to wear my retainer every other night. But of course it can't be that simple... my teeth have "moved" some on the bottom, which i can't see attttt all, so i have to wear my bottom retainer 24/7 except when eating and doing physical activity and i have to come back for two more months. So today has just not been my day and i go back to thinking Monday's suck. :(

Soooo :)

So tomorrow is Winter Royalty and i'm pretty excited. Even though my dress is not favorite i am still pumped. I love being able to get dressed up, get my hair done, and just feel all pretty for the day :) ha. It will all start at about 6:30 tonight when my mommy does my nails :) then i'l start again tomorrow at about 9:30, wake up, shower, dry my hair, put face makeup on (foundation and powder and blush and all that fun stuff) then at about 11:30ish i'll go get my hair done, then when im done with that i'll go pick up Cody's boutineer then ill go home, eat lunch, and wait for Kylee, then once Kylee gets to my house we'll start getting ready even more. We'll put the rest of our makeup on, get our dresses on and wait for our dates to come :). Once they're here we will all take pictures and put all the flowers on and do all that fun stuff that my mother insists on doing. Once our pictures are done we're all gunna go to eat somewhere, we really do not know where yet. Then we will go to the basketball game and see everyone alllllll dressed up and stand in my heels for at least an hour :( which sucks by the way, but anywayssss. After that we'll go to the coronation then that dance anddd then when the dance is over, ill go home :) I hope everyone has a great weekend... byebye for now! :)

Awkward bruise

So friday night i get home from work at about 10:30-11:00ishh... im super tired from a crazy busy night soo when i get home i change rightt into my jammies. Let me explain something first. I moved ohhh 4 and a half years ago. My room is at the front of the house and is the main window for the house. Sooo any kind of air gets into my room very easily cause the insulation is not that good... over the years my dad has just been adding and adding the insulation underneath my room in the basement but it just doesnt help... so as you can tell my room in the winter is usually freezingg! back to my story though. i was changing into my pjs.... putting my tank top on then trying to find a long sleeve shirt on to go over it... putting my shorts on then trying to find some longer pants to put on. well i found my pants first so i quickly put them on because i was freezing. i found a shirt and i went into the bathroom so i could put the long sleeve shirt on over my tank top then put my hair up wash my face and all that fun stuff. but anyways i start putting my shirt on when out of the corner of my eye i see this odly shaped bruise on the bottom side of my left arm..... it was just plain old awkward because it was the most ranom spot everrrr and i have no idea how i got it!..?

blog title?

Sooo at least like 20 minutes ago i thought of a pretty awesome blog title.... as you can notice i cant remember?! ummmm idk what to say? lets seee i have 4 minutes to just babble on :) sooo yesterday in my business law class we had a test.. no one had any idea what it was over b/c he went over everything sooo fast and no ones brain was working for at least the first week back to school. but anyways we used our book for 10 minutes so anything i couldnt figure out i looked up :) but i still missed five and there was 23 questions soooo i got a 78 :S butttttttt what i didnt know he does is whoever missed the least  he bumps everyones grade up that many moints soo the least amount mmissed was 5 so lucky me i got a 100 :) i have no i dea how i managed that. wellll class is almost over which means school is almost over which begins my 5 days straight of working :( ughhh so much for a life anymore!

Senior yearrr! :)

so i have the worstttt seniorites (i have nooo idea how to spell that :)) ever! have 4-6 open does not help at all. senior year has just been sooo stressful. work, dance, college applications, scholarships, school, tennis... idk how to balance it all! its all good though because i am loving my last year. ive already figured out im goin to northeast and what im going for so i have one thing handled.  i cant wait for the last day of high school and to graduate... it is going to be the best! :)

Creative Writing :)

I love writing and using creativity to write. I just need some help about how to make it sound better. I knew this class would be fun because a lot of people have told me it would be. I want to learn more about how to use my creativity in different ways than drawing like i usually do... So i just hope that i learn a little more about writing in this class :)