i called you my best friend

i did not know when i took you hand and held it tight in the dark that you wanted to hold me forever. i did not hear your heart breaking when i told you that i had feelings for your friend. i am sorry, i really did not know. i should have opened my eyes and seen what was seen by you and others. none of my friends told me, when my enemies did, i pushed them away. i did not know that you girl friend had broken up with you. i did not know that your smile were out of need to hold me and tell me how you felt. did you ever really like me that much? why would you? i am not the prettiest, or was it that you just wanted a girlfriend, as so many others told me, as i felt they just wanted to turn me against you. when i told you the words, i did not know that it was the last time you would speak to me, i did not know how much you were hurting. i was disbelief, i was flattered. you left, no good-bye, not even a smile. when you laughed with other girls was it just to make me jealous? congratulations, then, you succeeded. when i hear your friends talk about you, i am envious, because you were that good to me, i just did not see where it was coming from, i just thought you were a sweet guy, and when i told you my secret i expected you to keep it. but you did not. my words reached ears. they were only meant for you. is revenge sweeter now that you know that you have hurt me? are you smiling because you won, and i am the one left with the broken heart, not you? are you happy because i am still thinkning about you even though this happened two months ago? or are you missing me, thinking about me, wondering what might have been? have you ever regretted ignoring me? ever thought about giving me a second chance? they said your feelings were strong. were they? how come you were after her the second i said "no"? i apologize, again. i really should have seen it coming. i would not ask myself these questions if you had not left me alone, to be mocked and gossiped about. you were part of it, too.  you mocked me and pointed your finger at me, through it all. i thought you were my friend, my one true friend. all i can do is apologize and wonder, if you are laughing with you buddies or with your new girlfriend at me, at my words, at the truth, at my stupidity, at my heart, at my loss. i will never know what feelings they were, that took over me when i thought about you. were they of friendship or of something more? i will never know what you were to me. you made me wonder what my mind was really thinking, what my heart wanted to say when i gave you my hand and held yours tight.

can't fall in love with a friend

my love, i don't know if I'm ready to get over you... if I'm ready to move on, all i know is that i love you, and I've loves you for so long. there are other takers for my heart, but getting over you will tear it apart. i wanted you, i wanted you so very bad, when i knew i couldn't have you, it made me really sad. and now the your love goes to her, its causing my emotions to stir, its like i have a disease, and you're the only cure. but i know she loves you, and i won't interfere, i will just sit back and watch my whole world disappear. we're good friends, but i want to be something more. i want you to look at me and love me more than her. some people are addicted to drugs, but I'm addicted to you, i wish you could know how i feel, i wish you only knew. my love, i need you more than air. you with her? its just not fair. my only wish is to be with you, but how can i if she's with you, too? when i told you that i loved you, i thought everything would change, I'm sorry... i forgot that love and hearts cannot rearrange. when i told you that i loved you, i thought you'd drop everything and run to me, maybe even someday you'd get down on one knee and say, "Baby, i love you, will you marry me?" i need to stop dreaming and open my eyes. you and i, we will never be, why is it taking me so long to see? you love her and you don't love me. my love, I'm starting to see, that we will never be. i don't know if i should give up hope and stop trying, or if i should never stop and keep crying. my mind and heart ache when i see you together, i don't know what to do when you say that you'll be with her forever. i want to hat you so i can move on, but i hate been at this crazy game for way too long. i guess this is how my cards have been dealt, me not with you but someone else.

Yay for trying to do all my blogs at once!

As you can tell i'm trying to catch up with my blogs so that i can get them done and work on everything else..... Rowse just said ravioli and that sounds amazing!... so prom was great for me. It was way better than last year because i was stupidddd... but anyways it was nice and i was super tired by the end of it because of tennis before..... but bye everyone!

hmmm

I think it is finally starting to get nice out! Which makes me super happy because I love spring and summer! I hope that i can make this summer the best summer so far. I told my boss i can only work 3-4 days a week so i don't waste my summer before college on work..... its the last tuesday yay!

So much to do... so little time!

Hmmm the days are counting down and i feel like i have so much more to do! I have to finish my senior solo for dance, finish everything in this class, try to figure out my math, finish school "strong" as my mom says and its so stressful! Then i have GNAC in North Platte this weekend, graduation next weekend which i have to help my mom set up for this next week, then i have state the weekend after that!... All i know is i can't wait will May is over!

prommm!

I am really excited for prom this year! Last year sucked so i'm really looking forward to this one. I tried my dress on yesterday after alterations and i loveddddddd it :). Cody and I went to go get his tux today during our open, and I don't know if it looked good or not because he wouldn't let me see it... ergh! anyways i hope everyone has a great time at prom and post prom!

blahhh tennis

Sooo tennis is starting to get very annoying. We have like a million and five tennis meets in one week, it seems like, for some reason i just can't get myself in the attitude to care right now, we can't figure out the line up so no one knows whos playing what, and i keep getting behind in all of my sechool work because of it. We had tennis Monday, Wednesday, Thursday, and then we have it Saturday... before prom.... all day tournament. I don't understand whyyyy they would sign us up for the tournament when its the day of prom. Oh well i guess, hopefully it will all start slowing down soon.